Can I just be transparent with you? I’ve been in a funk for a while now. It’s a place that I’m sure at one time or another, you too have experienced. Yes, even someone like me who loves the Lord passionately, who helps lead worship on Sundays, who works for the church. Imagine that! And I get that with the mountains comes the valleys. I’ve lived long enough to know that life comes with ups and downs and the monotonous plateau in between. Kind of like that long forever drive up north through Indiana with miles and miles of those creepy windmills (just to give you a visual). Not a fun picture. But even as I realize this, it doesn’t make it any easier or any less trying.
REVIVE US, O LORD
So that’s where I find myself – in this dry barren desert of my soul that’s wanting desperately to feel a fresh gentle breeze. Feeling ineffective, going through the motions, sleep walking almost, but wanting so much to feel alive with His Spirit. When you feel that nothing is happening! When things feel at a standstill, gridlocked. When what you have prayed for feels as if it has fallen on deaf ears. I know I’m not alone in this! I mean, even the Psalmist David expressed times when his soul felt dry; when he cried out to God to revive his spirit. When things just seemed quiet and devoid of movement, and he needed to know that God had a plan and was working it all out.
Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, Lord, how long?
Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
I am worn out from my groaning.
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Restore us again, God our Savior,
and put away your displeasure toward us.
Will you be angry with us forever?
Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
Will you not revive us again,
that your people may rejoice in you?
HOW LONG, LORD?
So I find some peace in knowing that the heroes of the Bible, even the man after God’s own heart, had real moments when he questioned “How long?” when he too needed to know that God was listening, that He was still who He said He was even in the desert times… most especially in those desert times.
And although unlike David, I’m not fleeing from enemies, or fearful of my life being endangered. I’m just tired. I am needing to feel that God has a plan and purpose for me in this season. I want to know “How long?” And I trust that He is a Father who cares, even when my pleas are miniscule compared to most. I am exceedingly blessed and I do not take any of that for granted! But even in this, I am acknowledging to you that my soul is weary.
In this season of soul fatigue, I just yearn to hear from God. So, I find myself talking to Him constantly when I’m driving. It’s as if this time when I’m alone is prime time to pour my prayers and praise out to Him, as my mind is not distracted (other than focusing on where I’m heading). Well, ok, I have to confess, there are scary times when I haven’t the foggiest idea how I got to my destination because I was on auto pilot. But, that’s another story altogether! Regardless, in the car, I can just talk to Him and share my heart, and I know He’s listening! Typically, the only other sound is the low drone of the radio.
HE’S IN THE WAITING
Recently as I was heading home, a new song came on that grabbed my attention. In fact, just one lyric actually… “He’s in the waiting.” Let me just tell you that when these moments happen, right then and there, I say, “Thank You Lord!” Because I know He’s speaking directly to my heart. He’s affirming me and assuring me that He is with me in the waiting. He has not left my side for a moment! This song has become my new anthem, “Take Courage” by Kristene DiMarco/Bethel Music.
I don’t know what God has in store for me or for you. I’m not sure of what He is leading me to, but I am confident that He is here. That as my life continues to unfold, I’m reminded again that He is faithful and unfailing, and His perfect will WILL prevail.
“Slow down, take time
Breathe in, He said
He’d reveal what’s to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
And He’ll reveal all to come
Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope, as your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing, He’s never failing”
(“Take Courage,” Bethel Music)